DFW Airport,
November 6, 2018
Two public school educators were arrested today at DFW airport as they attempted to check bags containing a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule, and two calculators. At the subsequent press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions praised the TSA for their diligence, and stated that he believed both teachers were members of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. Names are being withheld until the investigation is complete, but both teachers will be charged with possessing weapons of math instruction.
Attorney General Sessions stated, "Al-Gebra continues to be a problem for this administration. They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values."
"Al-Gebra uses secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns.' However, we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'"
The Attorney General went on to say, "Teaching our children sentient thought processes and equipping them to solve problems is dangerous and puts our government at risk."